Gen X musings

Cary Brothers

2011-01-16T15:14:00.001+08:00

I have found another Duncan Sheik.

Older

2011-01-16T15:11:00.001+08:00

The older you get, the harder it is to share your life with another person. I miss the unreserved exuberance with which Geoff and I decided to share our lives, literally weeks after we first met, all those years ago. We were young, unencumbered with financial responsibilities, each living with roommates we disliked. Our careers were just starting, the world was young and full of potential. I don’t think I can decide to move in with anyone after just knowing them for weeks, not anymore, not at 42. The bar is way, way higher, the path to happiness is so much rockier. I have much respect for people aged 50 and beyond that fall in love and dive straight into a life together. If life is a loose-leaf binder, then adding blank pages is a lot easier than combining pages from two different books and wishing a coherent narrative emerges. Yet we must try.

I succumbed to the gay obsession: gym-going.

2011-01-04T22:46:00.001+08:00

I was the guy who used to mock gay guys who obsess about their bodies and work out at the gym three or four times a week. Muscle Marys, or Gym Bunnies, we call them. But since July, bar the occasional week or two that I was traveling for business or pleasure, I had been exercising at the gym three times a week. I even had a personal trainer. There’s still a part of me that loathes the prevalent, superficial body-worship that so rules our subculture today, but another, larger part of me takes pleasure in observing that I have slimmed down, grown some muscle (not a lot), and in general look healthier. And the occasional compliment about losing weight doesn’t hurt either. A love-hate situation with myself. That’s the person I wanted to punch when I took this picture.

I am so bored I find a water splatter pretty.

2010-09-05T00:16:00.001+08:00

Eat Pray Love. Not.

2010-09-04T23:51:00.001+08:00

There is a section in “Eat Pray Love” where Elizabeth Gilbert talks about being visited by Depression and Loneliness in the beautiful gardens of Villa Borghese in Rome. Personified as Pinkerton Detectives, they harangue her for the failure of her marriage, the disintegration of her relationship with David (I presume the guy she left her husband for), her inability to hold on to a relationship, and her general failure as a human being. Which brings me to me. Now I will be the first to admit that I was not a victim in the breakup of my 15-year relationship with Geoff. Far from it. I was perpetrator and oppressor, the bastard that blew up our lives with a thick bunch of stick dynamite and walked away, whistling. Who then embarked on a one-and-a-half year long-distance relationship with a terrific guy in New York (coincidentally also a David), and then, for a bit of variety, let that die a whimpering death instead of with a loud bang.

All of which makes it odd that I still experience the same emotions of failure, depression and guilt. Loneliness is in there too. I have proven to myself, once and for all, that I don’t do loneliness well. Two weeks in Milan, Lake Como, and Venice, alone except for the company of a Nikon D80 and an iPad, has convinced me of that. Note to self: NEVER visit the world’s most romantic towns alone, ever, again.

But I don’t do relationships well either. That’s a right pickle, as they say. I’m a terrible boyfriend, David will be the first to say. Emotionally unavailable, selfish, moody, inattentive. I’m a great lover, a terrific romantic who once flew to New York from Hong Kong (that’s a 14-hour flight each way) for a long weekend so I could surprise him by delivering a birthday present to David. But it was pretty much downhill from there, to my chagrin and eternal shame. There’s no hiding from the fact: I am a bad person, and I do not deserve happiness.

Since it petered out with David, all I’ve done so far is drift. I travel excessively for my work, diving into a job that I make bigger by the day with new initiatives and programs that necessitate even more traveling. On weekends I go out to clubs and bars with a gaggle of friends, some I’m genuinely close to, others what us Chinese might idiomatically call “wine-and-meat” friends.

Reading EPL was inspiring and depressing at the same time. Like tens of thousands of breathless Gilbert fans around the world (which I am NOT one of) I have entertained thoughts of taking a year off to find myself. Bring my yoga mat with me to an ashram in India, or spend a month under a vow of silence in a Shinto monastery near Kyoto, or, better yet, spend four months in Italy, still my favorite country in the world, just eating. What idiotic thoughts. Like the naysayers on Amazon.com that give EPL one-star ratings, I am aware of how self-centered, selfish, and self-absorbed this whole idea is. Yet so alluring ...

Still, if anything, my August 2010 trip to Northern Italy has proven that solitude and I are not mates. And I am not destined to be a good husband, at least not the current me.

So I continue to drift.

Remind Me

2010-06-13T23:23:00.001+08:00

I’ve recently been pointed to Royksopp, a Norwegian electronica band that makes amazing music. Now endlessly listening to their breakout album “Melody A.M.” which received numerous accolades the year it was out, 2001. So far my favorite tracks are Remind Me, Eple, Sparks, and In Space. I’ve found my next Moby.

Another act that I’ve recently explored is Lady Antebellum. I never like country music (except Garth Brooks during his weird Chris Gaines phase) so this is a big of a first for me. But they’re great. I like “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You” and “I Run To You”.

There’s an ordinary world i hope to find

2010-01-16T22:36:00.001+08:00

"Ordinary World"

Came in from a rainy Thursday
On the avenue
Thought I heard you talking softly

I turned on the lights, the TV
And the radio
Still I can't escape the ghost of you

What has happened to it all?
Crazy, some are saying
Where is the life that I recognize?
Gone away

But I won't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive

Passion or coincidence
Once prompted you to say
"Pride will tear us both apart"
Well now pride's gone out the window
Cross the rooftops
Run away
Left me in the vacuum of my heart

What is happening to me?
Crazy, some'd say
Where is my friend when I need you most?
Gone away

But I won't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive

Papers in the roadside
Tell of suffering and greed
Here today, forgot tomorrow
Ooh, here besides the news
Of holy war and holy need
Ours is just a little sorrowed talk

And I don't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive

Every one
Is my world, I will learn to survive
Any one
Is my world, I will learn to survive
Any one
Is my world
Every one
Is my world

Reflections on a year past

2010-01-05T12:05:00.001+08:00

2009.

The world economy went to hell in a hand basket decorated with greed and runaway consumption. Wall Street bankers continued to grant themselves fat bonuses while unemployment climbed to 12% in some US states. Michael Jackson died an ignoble death, the result of a life soused with blind adulation and defined by selfishness.

Perhaps that’s what defined 2009: selfishness.

By my own choice, last year I went from being a happily married gay man in a 15-year relationship to a single guy. Bought a bachelor-style pied-a-terre in Central district so I wouldn’t have to make the 50-minute drive home drunk after my now-commonplace weekend nights out on the town. Started dating a terrific guy half a world away, a situation fraught with complexity and difficulty. Made lots of new friends, precious individuals that I could spend time with, time not available when I was in a long-term relationship. I created a whole new lifestyle for myself, with a price.

Through selfishness I unintentionally broke the heart of someone close to me, not realizing the damage I was doing.

Through selfishness I am in a relationship that has a terrific guy on tenterhooks because I can’t decide.

Through selfishness I have gained so much and lost even more.

Last week I watched George Clooney’s “Up in the Air” and the ending of suggested terminal solitude appealed. Perhaps I am destined to be alone, or least until I’ve got my life figured out. Perhaps I have a right to a fulfilling relationship, children, a life with joy, etc. or perhaps I don’t.

That ambiguity, that’s how I feel now, at the beginning of this new year.

2010-01-05T07:55:00.004+08:00

Watching Michael Jackson

Watched “This Is It” on the flight back to HK from NY. A movie I swore I would never see, but hey it was free and I was bored. And I wouldn’t be helping to line the pockets of all those folks profiting off his death.

Music was great, watching him rehearse brought home what a freakin’ artistic genius he was, truly a loss for the world. But what struck me was how supportive he was of everyone that worked for him, including the dancers and the technicians. At work, MJ is focused, nurturing, constantly teaching. Not the arrogant self-centered weirdo I expected to see. Of course there is the occasionally weirdness, such as ending every negative input he gave with “it’s all from love.” If his crew can’t handle constructive input without a candy wrapper they shouldn’t be operating at world-class level. And he thanked god every other minute. Just casually drops it into conversation. That seems strange somehow.

But it was good to see him saying things like “That’s ok, this is why we rehearse” when a dancer makes a misstep or a technician misses a cue. You could tell the entire crew was 200% focused on making the show a success, pouring all their energy and devotion to quality.

How I Met Your Mother

2009-11-01T17:04:00.000+08:00

Love how this show’s writers describe how it feels to be single and yearning, with such humor.

From season four’s “As Fast She Can”:

Ted: Okay, I'm going to say something out loud that I've been doing a pretty good job of not saying out loud lately. What you and Tony have, what I thought for a second you and I had, what I know that Marshall and Lily have, I want that. I do. I keep waiting for it to happen. I'm waiting for it to happen and I guess I'm just tired of waiting. And that is all I'm going to say on that subject.

Stella: You know how I talked my way out of a speeding ticket?

Ted: Really?

Stella: I was heading upstate with my parents, I was doing 90 on the country roads. I got pulled over. So this cop, gets out of his car, swaggers over and he says, 'Lady, I've been waiting for you all day.' And I said, 'Sorry Officer, I got here as fast as I could.'

Ted: For real?

Stella: No, it's just a joke. [pause] I know that you're tired of waiting. And you may have to wait a little while more but, she's on her way, Ted. And she's getting here as fast as she can.

Blueberry cake of Death

2009-11-01T16:53:00.001+08:00

This is served in airplane meals all the time, especially on some Asian airlines. I can never bring myself to eat it because it just reminds me of rotted corpse.

Eating healthy

2009-10-04T04:21:00.001+08:00

Recently I’ve been on a healthy eating tear, especially after reading Michael Pollan’s terrific book, In Defence of Food, and watching the DVD “Food Inc.” Both tell of the perils of eating a western diet rich in refined carbohydrates, processed foods and additives, and how that is leading to chronic diseases and all-round bad health.

So I decided to eat healthy from now on. No processed foods (such as canned food, hams, etc.) and no refined carbohydrates (white rice, pasta, etc.). No eating anything that comes with a list of ingredients you cannot pronounce.

But it’s hard.

For example, I saw an ad on TV for Campbell’s Select Harvest soups, claiming “made with real ingredients.” So I went ahead and bought some. Turns out it still has non-natural ingredients: modified corn starch, soy lecithin, mixed tocopherols, potassium chloride, ascorbic acid (why did they have to add Vitamin C?), mono and diglycerides. The only difference is, on this can of Campbell’s soup they explain what some of the ingredients are: “There are many types of salt in food…Potasium Chloride is just one type used to add flavor.”

Pity, it means canned soup is still out.

So, what I learned to remember when trying to eat healthy include:

Cook your own meals from natural produce.

Eat more fruits and vegetables.

Buy organic, buy local.

Avoid refined carbohydrates. Eat whole grain.

Refined carbohydrates are, for example, those found in sugar, white breads, pasta, crackers, and cereals. Whole grain foods include dark bread, whole-grain breakfast cereals, popcorn, cooked oatmeal, brown rice, bran, and other grains like bulgur or kasha.

Avoid processed foods.

Avoid trans fats.

Limit your salt intake.

When your body takes in more sodium than it needs, it retains fluid simply to dilute the extra sodium in your bloodstream. This raises blood volume, forcing your heart to work harder; at the same time, it makes veins and arteries constrict. The combination raises blood pressure. Your limit should be 1,500 milligrams of sodium per day, about the amount in three-fourths of a teaspoon of salt.

Avoid high fructose corn syrup.

Research is beginning to suggest that this liquid sweetener may upset the human metabolism, raising the risk for heart disease and diabetes. Researchers say that high-fructose corn syrup's chemical structure encourages overeating. It also seems to force the liver to pump more heart-threatening triglycerides into the bloodstream. HFCS is in almost everything we consume today, including bread, beer, bacon, soft drinks, spaghetti sauce, ketchup.

Here’s a great article that explains all of this well. Some quotes from it are pasted above.

Sedona, Arizona

2009-08-16T22:02:00.001+08:00

I know nothing about Arizona, so I wasn’t sure what to expect for a planned trip there in December. After a bit of browsing on the Internet, however, a side trip to Sedona has got me excited, especially since we’ll be able to visit the Grand Canyon.

Also found some great pictures of Sedona on Flickr.

Snorkeling in the Maldives is simply glorious!

2009-08-14T21:02:00.001+08:00

And it helps if you’re staying at a terrific resort. I would recommend the Banyan Tree Vabbinfaru to anyone.

(All pictures taken below with the Olympus Tough 8000, one of the hardiest, best compact cameras I’ve owned.)

Things to do in Singapore

2009-08-01T00:24:00.001+08:00

Image via Wikipedia

Spending two and a half days in Singapore with Dave, here’s what I’m planning to do:

Experience the Night Safari
Hawker food at Glutton Bay or Chomp Chomp
Pepper Crab at the East Coast Seafood Center
Catch the movie UP
Laze around the pool
Clubbing at Pump Room, St. James Power Station, Zouk or Velvet Underground
Get a Thai massage at Ayutthaya Thai Spa

And then it’s off to the Maldives afterwards!

Strangely voluptuous croissant on flight to Singapore

2009-07-24T17:19:00.001+08:00

Star dreams

2009-07-19T23:44:00.001+08:00

When I was young I was a gigantic science-fiction fan, having read almost every famous golden age author there was, including Isaac Asimov, Robert A. Heinlein, Arthur C. Clarke, and Ray Bradbury. At 12 I was convinced I wanted to be an astronomer. In fact, if I had grown up in the US, say Massachusetts or Houston, instead of Hong Kong where there are no Astronomy courses, I might even be working for NASA today, who knows.

Funny how time and place make such a big difference in forming the paths we tread, which is exactly the point of Malcolm Gladwell’s new booking, Outliers.

All this came back to me as I was playing with the Sky view in Google Earth today, revisiting all the familiar names that I grew up with. There was the Orion constellation, still the most easily identified in the summer/autumn sky, with the Horsehead Nebula, which you can’t really see with the naked eye. Then there is the Pleiades cluster of stars, which you can. I found the Andromeda Galaxy, seen edge-on, and of course the Milky Way runs through the sky.

Today the only remnants of those childhood dreams are my semi-serious Star Trek fandom, a love of non-fiction science books, and the ability to point out Orion in the sky.

Weird geeky toys

2009-07-19T23:28:00.001+08:00

Was told about a cool online store that sells geeky but weird electronic toys, ThinkGeek.com. This set of glowing solar-rechargeable sun and moon mason jars is my favorite.

New word of the day: Manhattanhenge

2009-07-19T11:51:00.001+08:00

Courtesy of Frank Swain, a science writer:

Built into the streets of New York City is a solar calendar on a truly massive scale. Every year around July 12th, New Yorkers are treated to a spectacular phenomenon as the setting sun aligns directly with the east-west streets of Manhattan's main grid, turning them into canyons filled with golden light. The effect is known as Manhattanhenge in reference to the much older stone monument near Salisbury. The term was coined in 2002 by astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson, the charismatic director of the Hayden Planetarium at the American Museum of Natural History.

More Manhattenhenge pics on Flickr.

Sleepless in Seattle

2009-07-18T21:13:00.001+08:00

Just watched this again. What a perfect movie for a rainy typhoon afternoon.

And that houseboat in Lake Union featured in the movie came on the market last year. I wonder who bought it in the end.

I’m a Sylar fan.

2009-07-18T21:08:00.001+08:00

Trip to Maldives booked

2009-07-12T23:41:00.001+08:00

Can’t wait to stay here.

Favorite TV quote of the Day

2009-07-12T22:25:00.003+08:00

“Nothing good ever happens after 2AM.” from How I Met Your Mother.

That’s true, I’ve done so many things after 2AM that I regret, and not a single thing that turned out to be a smart decision. OK except maybe one night at the W Hotel New York.

Hopeless romantic

2009-07-07T23:19:00.001+08:00

Watching season one of How I Met Your Mother on DVD and love the concept in the episode where Ted meets and falls for a strange woman at a wedding and they decide to make that night the most memorable of their lives:

Ted approaches the pretty woman (Victoria), who warns him that she never hooks up with people at weddings because all of the romance of the wedding isn't real. Ted wins her over with some flirting, so she suggests a compromise: they will spend the rest of the wedding together and then never see each other again. […] They agree to tell each other only their first names and not to exchange any contact information. Lily and Marshall interrupt the story to tell Ted what a stupid idea that is, but Ted defends his decision, saying that they had a great time and because he will never see Victoria again the memory won't be ruined.

How romantic is that.

Of course after much drama they reconnect at the end of the episode, which I consider a letdown.

Alice in Wonderland

2009-07-05T22:33:00.001+08:00

Looking forward to the whimsy and high camp of Tim Burton’s version of Alice in Wonderland.

Why I love Bing for image searches

2009-07-04T13:25:00.001+08:00

Accuracy. Options to select size, format, layout, color, and even see only pictures with faces. No more page-flipping, just scrolling.

Dreaming of a stay here

2009-07-01T17:28:00.001+08:00

Beautiful day

2009-07-01T14:36:00.001+08:00

It's a public holiday, the sun is shining and the day is beautiful, why am I working in front of the computer?

Posted via email from Gen X Musings

Yes I am an Anderson Cooper fan

2009-06-29T17:48:00.001+08:00

Mourning Michael Jackson?

2009-06-28T19:08:00.001+08:00

Michael Jackson via last.fm

I actually think we’re mourning that part of our childhood or teenage years where his music was the backdrop to our lives. I’m ~~not~~ sad he died, and certainly believe he caused everything that has happened in his life, from the child molestation charges to his failed marriages. And if his death is found to be caused by an overdose of painkillers, that was his personal choice too.

Feel like Dr. Manhattan

2009-06-20T14:18:00.001+08:00

Discovered the Watchmen movie on the flight to NY, then bought the graphic novel at Barnes & Noble, and watched the movie one more time on the flight back to HK. Perhaps the somber, melancholic mood of the story appealed to me. These days I feel the occasional, odd detachment from life in general so the one character I most identify with is Dr. Manhattan.

I also feel the need to escape for a while and be alone with my thoughts. Of course I can’t go to Mars like he does, but a small hut on a deserted beach somewhere feels mighty attractive right now.

Lawn chairs in Times Square

2009-06-16T04:43:00.001+08:00

Not sure what this is about. Guess times must be tough when NY city can only provide cheap plastic foldable chairs for the tourists.

Republicans still not getting it

2009-05-31T22:15:00.001+08:00

Griping about the first couple’s night out in New York? Does the RNC realize how petty and desperate that makes them look?

And here’s an interesting op-ed piece in the NYT about the differences between liberals and conservatives from a psychological perspective. Turns out conservatives are more driven by loyalty, respect for authority, fear and disgust than liberals are.

Straight friends

2009-05-31T14:20:00.001+08:00

Going to the new Star Trek movie this Thursday with a guy who asked me to go with him. If he wasn’t straight and had a son, I’d think this was a date. A new species in my wonderful ecosystem of friends: the straight guy who just wants to be friends. Maybe I’ve been gay too long. I have tons of straight friends in a business context but I’ve never had a straight guy friend who just wants to hang out one-on-one. I need to broaden my horizons.

Random plane thoughts

2009-05-31T14:10:00.001+08:00

Image by i heart him via Flickr

On a flight from Singapore to Hong Kong, did the following things:

Read a GQ article on losing weight that says fad diets are out, the new diet is…wait for it…Eat Less! But seriously it totally makes sense, dieting should be about overall lifestyle change.
Learned a new phrase for fan: “picture-kisser”. This in relation to the enormous tween response to GQ’s earlier article about Robert Pattinson. Guess that makes me an Obama picture-kisser.
Pondered how much I like Singapore but hate living there.
Decided the iPhone 3G, which has been constantly glued to my ears the past week, is the best designed consumer product on the market today. Of course for serious work I still stick with Windows Mobile, but for weekend fun and just listening to music it is terrific. I am glad I got it at the current iteration, when the various kinks are worked out and a new software version comes out this summer. Things I like about it:
- The speakers don’t blast music when you unplug the headphones
- There’s a simple physical flip switch to silence the phone
- Music actually sounds better.
- The tons of apps, such as NYT, USA Today, Midomi, Old Camera, etc. etc.
Realized how much time i have to think when I’m on planes.

Kris Allen

2009-05-28T14:45:00.001+08:00

I didn’t watch American Idol this season, but online came across this version of Kanye West’s Heartless by the winner Kris Allen. I like it!

H1N1: Panic versus reason

2009-05-26T22:22:00.001+08:00

Today WHO announced the number of deaths from H1N1 now at close to 100:

The World Health Organisation (WHO) has said an estimated 12,515 people have now been infected with swine flu worldwide, with the number of deaths as a result of the virus now reaching 91.

Oh no, the sky is falling!

I support caution and taking all the necessary measures to prevent the spread of H1N1, such as wearing face masks, frequent hand-washing, and so on, but the concern has reached panic levels because of all the hype. I’ve heard of friends that refuse to travel to the US, for example. And I can only imagine the effect on poor Mexico’s tourism industry.

What many people don’t realize is, regular flu kills people too.

According to the WHO’s web site,

While most people recover from a bout of influenza, there are large numbers of people who need hospital treatment and many who die from the disease every year. Little is known about the effects of influenza epidemics in developing countries.

(Emphases mine.)

In fact, a Lancet article describes research that predicts that if a global flu pandemic were to happen today, 95% of the deaths would be in developing countries. Many factors contribute to mortality caused by flu, including environmental hygiene, early treatment, individual health condition, other health complications, and so on.

It’s time to do a reset, be concerned, careful and safe, but don’t panic.

Technorati Tags: H1N1,influenza,pandemic

Sunday morning

2009-05-24T12:00:00.001+08:00

It’s a rainy morning, there’s a monsoon warning going, which means it’s going to rain nonstop for the next few days. I love these days, wet melancholy mixed with the security of being dry and warm inside.

Perfect for listening to music.

Middle-aged birthday boy

2009-05-16T17:33:00.001+08:00

Tonight I turn 41. Not sure how I feel about that…it’s been a very eventful seven months, my life is feeling very unsettled right now, lost. I’ve gained a lot, but also lost a great deal, through my own machinations.

Still, there is the sense that a new life is ahead. Anything and everything is possible.

The last time I felt like this I was probably 21, fresh out of Polytechnic with my life ahead of me, trying to decide what to do with it. That was 20 years ago and it’s all come full circle, with a few new perks gathered along the way, of course. More maturity, more freedom, financial security. It’s almost like that classic question, “If you were 20 again, how would you do things differently?” Finding out will be fun.

Views on marriage

2009-04-26T13:21:00.001+08:00

At a dinner with friends and the subject of marriage comes up.

Nouha, an Australian lady of Lebanese origin, says she doesn’t believe in marriage.

I agree, and chime in to say I believe marriages should have expiry dates. Couples should decide, when they register, whether their marriages should expire after 10 or 20 years.

Another friend Michelle then says the default should be 7 years. And we segue off for a while into whether there is a biological basis for the seven year itch.

Straight Republican Jewish guy in the corner brings it back to marriage by saying, “What about the offspring?” and I counter with, you still need to support the children after a marriage ends. You continue to love them and be there for them.

At any rate, if you’re in a conventional marriage and you divorce, the psychological trauma of a nasty separation would scar the children even more.

This concept of a renewable marriage is already possible; it’s called a civil union and it’s not just for same-sex couples -- heterosexual civil unions are legally allowed in jurisdictions such as Quebec, New Zealand and Uruguay, apparently.

Technorati tags: civil union, marriage, divorce

Four Hour Work Week

2009-04-21T21:29:00.001+08:00

Reading this book now, and while there are large swaths of it that I don’t agree with, I like his idea of mini-retirements. This is the idea that rather than working your ass off, hating life, and waiting for retirement when you can finally enjoy life, you should take annual mini retirements of one to three months. He advocates that rather than playing tourist and just zipping through 12 cities in two weeks, we slow down and stay in one place, learn an art or a skill, and absorb the culture and ambience of a single country, perhaps even one city. I like the elegance of that.

I’m not sure I could survive not working for a few months per year; I am a workaholic after all, and it’s because I enjoy it, not because I have to. Still, I can totally get with the idea of taking a month off and just vegetating in one place, treating it mentally like a retirement.

Tim Ferriss, author of The Four Hour Work Week.

Springtime in New York

2009-04-17T08:20:00.001+08:00

Coming of age

2009-04-14T14:32:00.001+08:00

I can still remember turning 30, mildly depressed that I had no car and no house. I had a relationship that was going through a rough patch during that period, but at least I had a job that was secure and paid well. That is, until the dotcom bubble burst a year or two later. We Chinese people mark life progress by our possessions, so I recall being disappointed that I wasn’t as far along in the material sense as I’d liked.

Now it’s ten years down the road. I’ve got the requisite car and house. Still have a secure, well-paying job. The relationship has gone bust, with the accompanying angst and self-doubt. I don’t feel particularly fulfilled, as if somehow my life is missing a compass. My true north has not revealed itself, nor do I know what I should do to find my way as a human being.

I sweat the big and small stuff. I fret that our icecaps are melting and the polar bears are drowning, that the Maldives will be submerged in a few decades. I fret that Jews and Arabs are still killing each other in the Middle East, that terrorism threatens all of us on a daily basis. I fret that my job, while interesting, doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.

I wonder if making money is all that matters, yet I enjoy the trappings of affluence immensely: dining at quality restaurants, trips to exotic places, shelling out big bucks for the latest gadgets. I fret that I am a hypocrite. Are these the typical thoughts of a Gen X-er? In a year’s time will I shave my head and join a commune in India? I wonder if there are other middle-aged men out there that feel the same. What do they do when they have these thoughts?

Technorati Tags: angst,middle-age,Generation X

Back from New York

2009-04-14T07:29:00.001+08:00

Back in Hong Kong after a long 15-hour flight from New York, where I spent a terrific week with someone special. We did the NY thing: spent a weekend in the Hamptons, saw Broadway musicals, picnicked in Central Park. New York is one of those overpowering cities that feels, in spite of yourself, like a third player in your relationship, especially if only one of you lives there. It’s iconic, brimming with personality, larger than life. I find myself mentally subtracting NYC from the equation when I assess what’s going on, so I’m not unfairly affected by its power. Like it says in that song, I don’t want to be caught between the moon and New York city, I want to make sure it’s real.

Days in Montauk

2009-04-09T04:42:00.001+08:00

Should you fix yourself before dating?

2009-04-09T03:23:00.001+08:00

Had lunch with my lesbian friend “L” yesterday, when we talked about her girlfriend troubles. She had recently met and fallen in love with a girl in her late twenties, who, according to third-party accounts (I have yet to meet her), turned out to be somewhat hard to handle. Among other things, she wouldn’t let L go out with her friends, apparently causing her social life to take a dip. Yet they are clearly deeply in love and seem very happy together.

This got me thinking…do we have a duty to become reasonably sane, well-adjusted beings with a minimum of dysfunction before we release ourselves into the dating pool? By bringing unnecessary baggage into a relationship, are we sabotaging our chance at happiness? Or, as they say, love conquers all, so true love means accepting a person for who they are, warts and all?

Perhaps it’s impossible to judge when, if ever, you are ready, so you might as well dive in and trust that love, and life, will take care of things.

Technorati Tags: lesbian,friendship,relationships,dysfunction

What religion?

2009-04-09T00:27:00.001+08:00

On my Facebook I list myself as a secular humanist, but like many people on occasion I wonder if those folks that believe in a singular “cosmic energy” have a point. I recently reconnected with a business associate from over ten years ago. This is a person I hold in high regard so his opinion matters to me. He’s a devotee of the Bahai religion, which believes that all religions worship the same god. Seeing his unwavering adherence to his faith made me take another look at the Bahai religion. But I’m probably too steadfast an atheist to really change.

Technorati Tags: religion,faith,Bahai,humanism

2003-08-29T17:10:00.000+08:00

I don't believe in god, but i wonder if there can be a religion that worhsips the goodness of mankind. In other words, instead of doing good because we want to go to heaven, perhaps we can do good by worshipping humanity.